today house keys were given, and taken.
today is a day that i have been dreading for many years.
everything is changing, today.
crazy day

17

Here are 17 facts about the past week:
1) I turned 17 on tuesday. August 11th. No I do not feel any different, but I know things are going to be very different this year.
2) my cousin Louie moved to Port Jervis no excuse me Huguenot
3) My Grandma made me the best Angels Food Cake
4) I have been creating something I am proud of! (Soon to be finished and Posted)
5) I recieved the best gift from my best friend Chrissy
- which was a box that looks like a book, inside containing many nic nacks that she has collected over the years each different thing containing a big memory of ours. Such as Sea shells from ocean city to painting napkins we made in Drawing&Painting. It was very touching.
6- at midnight, august 12th someone was forced into a pool.
7- My niece is now 10 months old, and SO big. I cant believe how fast she is growing.
8- I experiemented with fabrics dye for the first time, creating all sorts of tye dyed things. I just couldn't get enough once I did one shirt I had to go through my clothes to find another I could dye. and I LOVE the turn out of everything. New clothes for the new year without spending more then 2 dollars! woohoo to that. (Going to post pictures in a seperate post)
9- My birthday was strangely boring in the beginning, but ended amazing. I spent it with ALL the people I truely truely love. The people who are closest to me. it was great. because really.. thats all i need is them.. haha
10- I havent rollerbladded! This is soooooo NOT Sarah like. Im about to go outside now and start! cant stay away from my blades for too long, its one of my ways to relax.
11- I got an ipod for my birthday! it was awesome, me and chrissy went to lunch withmy dad and everything. He is a big ar tard sometimes but I do love him, he is my dad.
12- I am going to massachuests on Saturday. :D YAY!
13- I recieved an email from ms.markell with assignments for A.P studio art. Now I've got to get even more serious
-- Also recieved my Schedule
14- I watched A LOT of tv, honestly.
15- I am offically addicted to the Vampire Wars App on Facebook, Help me?
16- I haven't read a book! :o also not very Sarah like.
17- I dont want the summer to end just yet, I haven't had the bigbang I need before school begins.

im due a post

but, ill save that for friday.
I just wanted to say that today is the last day ill ever be 16,
and I haven't done anything.
And heres to a year that ended the way it started yet has changed so much.

Fire works.

Alright so Saturday as everyone knows was the Fourth of July, every year on the Fourth of July my family from my moms side will go to N.J to a beach/park called Promise Land. Its actually a man made lake, but it is always great fun. Unfortunately I did not go this year, even though other members of my family did. I was kind of forgotten.. Well instead, my older brother invited some of his friends for a BBQ knowing that meant.. I was basically going to starve or only eat potato salad the entire day, I tagged along with my uncle and my sister-in-law to Shop Rite and got myself some Veggie Burgers and Veggie Nuggets, which were actually very delicious! :) I actually spent the whole day wondering around rather then hanging out with my brother because honestly... he disgusts me. ha. well on another note I played loads of Frisbee with some old friends that I really missed and it was great reconnecting with some extremely familiar faces. The day was full of ups and downs, as usual for me. but overall it was a fairly good day.

hello july

Yay, July is here. I like the month of July. :)
I haven't been posting as often, one because I dont really know what to write and two because.. When I do wanna make a post I am kind of busy then I forget when I have the time. XD
Well, My summer vacation has been full of working, yes I have got a job :)
I began my internship at the Orange County Arts Council (www.ocartcouncil.org) Which I do a lot of Web updating and a bit of Paper pushing, but it is all a lot of fun. I really enjoy working there the enviroment is breath taking and the people are just wonderful. This could be the best first job on the face of the earth.
Other things that have taken place in my summer, is just hanging out with my bestfriends of course. As simple as it gets it is always the best of times. This has been a really great summer so far, and I have ACTUALLY started to create a couple of pieces, as practice for now but I think I am going to make a actually final copy of one of them and I am super excited. Not only a fun summer but a productive one, yay! What I was worried about all along was either working to much or having to much fun and wasting my summer away hehe.
Oh yeah before I forget, Congradulations Class of '09 Im going to miss you guys sooo much. Really I am.

Thank you Alexis.

After my total melt down, 'misplacing' some pieces of mine.. I became totally inspired by a piece that Alexis had done, called "Pulling Poetry"



This was the result,

misplaced hearts

My brain is so scattered right now,
I dont even know what to do.
As some of you might now on the trip Art club took to the city, we visited an art shop where they had some of the best paper in the world. Some of which I had purchased. For some reason it is all missing, i had even began a piece on one of the papers and it is gone. No where to be found. this breaks my heart, Ive searched every where. it might seem over dramatic, but I have been crying because that is my art, I put my heart into that and it is gone? what the heck, it really hurts. I know I didn't loose it I have a feeling that my step father in his weird ways threw it all out becuase thats what he does. he just like to pick things up and put it in the garbage. I'm a mess now. This really sucks I hope he didnt throw it out and I hope I can find it. all of it.

wish me luck?

Childhood Rhymes

Today while playing patty cake with my niece I was trying to remember the words of an old favorite when I thought "HEY, why not use the wonder of GOOGLE." haha, well I searched "Chinese, Japanese, Indian Chief." because that was the only part of the rhyme I remembered. While reading the post some people said they used in their childhood I realized everyone sings it differently. While reading other versions I quickly remembered the version I used to play. Ironically this burst of childhood memories came to me on the last day of my juinor year. Which I can proudly say I did not shed a tear even though I was very much tempted too.

The song I grew up with.
"I went to the chinese resturant to buy a loaf of Bread Bread Bread
The waiter adked me what my name was and this is what I said said said
My name is L-I L-I chikali chikali pom pom beauty
seven cups of whiskey
punch 'em in the body, Oops Im sorry.
Never take karate
Chinese, Japanese, Indian Cheif."
Then you freeze.

I am very curious to know whats the version you used?

Dear Body,

Dont you understand I have review to do?

And Only 1 day of school left of my juinor year,

please feel better.

Love,

Mind.

everything

is changing around me, I see myself becoming the person I want to be and I'm proud to say I'm forgetting things I've needed too. I'm letting go of the things I've held on to that didn't even make me happy in the first place. I feel my whole perspective has changed, and i honestly see how much i was screwing up before, wasting time. The ridiculous thing is that people have been almost pulling my ear telling me basically screaming what I needed to realize on my own. I'm sorry for anyone who is reading this that doesn't quite understand what I am talking about, it is super complicated, but its not even important anymore. Which is actually a good thing. And I also apologize for all my latest posts being incredibly hard to understand, I'm guessing. Of course I know what I meant, but some of you might not and understand I wrote some of those things for those exact reasons, somethings I can't quite share but I still needed to get them out.

Tata for now, I hope I can post an actual updater soon. :)

Happy 18'th Jianna

I hope we never get to old to,

Sip juice out of a pouch with a straw.

(May 31st, belated post)

ba-ba black sheep

when you were camping, I was camping.
Not with you.

but its okay because I had more fun.
but thanks for the invitation anyways,
oh wait I never received one.
family bonding!
Horray

a big mess of emotions

"Smile. Nod. Say
something witty
before he finds
out what an incredible
geek you are."

So many different thoughts.
So many different things to say.
So many people to say it too.

ask not.

i am just a human being.

stop being so proud of me.

i hope it gets better for her.

self destructive thoughts are the downfall.

ill be better then anything you see me as.

im afraid ill disappoint.

im afraid that what you say is true.

self destructive thoughts will always be the downfall.

you can only do so much.

you can do so much more.

you are the seed of your creator.

i am so much more.

i want so much more for her.

we are so alike, it scares me.

trust is everything.

i feel no trust.

or too much,



release.

Old eyes.

New sights, New sounds, New feelings.
It feels great to catch those butterfly's.
It feels like old times.

green from trees, not leaves.

Well, currently I should be working on a term paper that I am not nearly finished with, that of course is due-- TOMORROW. Yeah, procrastination. Anyways, I was just checking my email and found out that I did not get accepted for the scholarship for the summer studio at the Art institutes, bummer. In this rejection letter they pointed out that I could still join ( out of my own pocket) and of course in my mind I reply, yeah right. I do not have that kind of money what so ever. Never mind the fact I'm going to have to figure out how in hell am I ever going to go to college!? I am poor. I know that when I go to college I am going to be in huge debt the second I have established credit, I will basically have no credit. blahh.

Back to work on my term paper, all this money talk is non-sense. Just bummed and all.

time for a chill pill

I'm in dire need of some serious inspiration. I know I need to get work done but I don't want to force it all out. Tips tips tips, I need some. I am pretty tired of making things that basically turn into nothing, I feel like I do so much but in the end I have little complete. I'm pretty sure its all due to Attention Deficit. I'm looking for something or someone to open my mind and inspire me to due so much more.. am I searching too hard?

this aint a broken hearted homie singing just because he's lonely.

My week has been so crazy, and amazing. From spending time with the my dad, best friends, and getting to see my favorite bands live, I couldn't ask for a better week! The only thing that sucks is that it all went by so fast, that I almost want to cry.

Its like crowd surfing the adrenaline is so high, the feeling is amazing, but it all becomes a blur and is over in a flash.

things that creep beneathe.

Right now I am kind of in a fog.
Things are really changing around me. It could be the way I see things. The way I view people, and the way I react to situations. I am trying my hardest to keep an open mind to all the changing things but lately I am finding it really hard. I always turn a blind eye when it comes to the actions of the people I love but, I just don't know if I can do it anymore. I refuse to accept others looking at me through a microscope, picking and poking at all of my actions. The only person that should criticize things that I do, say, and feel is the one behind the eyes, words, and heart that do so, me.

Pink Butterflys

Tonight, like the usual Saturday night. I am watching my niece Iysenia. I was just laying next to her while I was giving her a bottle of her formula so that she will go to bed. I was watching as she was holding the bottle herself and taking it out of her mouth and trying to put it back in but it going to her nose. It was really amazing because even though it does belong in her mouth, she is getting way smarter and being able to do things more for herself. She isn't my child, she is my niece but she amazes me soo much, so much that I can't even put it into words. I talk about her every chance I get but I dont think people understand what I mean when I say I love her. She is truly my world. She gives my life meaning. Its weird how baby's do that, they don't say a thing to you and you instantly fall in love with them. I treasure her more then anything in the world. and I would continue but she just fell asleep with the bottle in her mouth so Im gonna go attend to her again :). Goodnight.

controlled and potent emotion

Today we (Art Honor Society & Drama Club) had a field trip. We went to the Frick collection museum in Manhattan and after that we went to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Everyone in my class was joking about how we were going to the Frick-n-Met. (FrikkinMet) and it was all smiles and joy the whole time. Being surrounded by all the different works of art, truely filled my heart with joy. And being there with amazing people helped as well. It was an overall great day that I will remember forever and ever. All the laughter, new inside jokes, pictures and memories have found a new spot in my heart. Not to mention the unbelievable talent, that not only the famous art work held, but what many of my great friends have as well. I wish I could put into words how amazed I am by all the things I saw and experienced today, but I simply couldn't do it any justice.

let me try and explain

The past couple days have been so wishy-washy, One day it will be pouring so hard you can't keep your toes dry then the next it will be so sunny and delightful. Even each whole day wasn't consistent, it would change its mind every couple of hours, that's when the wind starts howling and your next door neighbor think you stole their trashcan (or in my case the basketball hoop no one ever uses falls over and breaks a window on your first car.) The inconsistency of the weather can drive anyone crazy, for the simple fact you dont know what to wear because one hour you will be sweating the next youll be freezing. To get to my point faster, I kind of like these days. They help me remember that I can't always be prepared for everything, and I really do enjoy them. This is another reason why I like living in this region of New York, the weather is always changing, and I can feel the differences of all the seasons.

Currently I am sitting in my room watching The Sandlot with my hair tided up wet, because I just got out of the shower a little bit ago. I am thinking about yesterday and all the great things that had happend. I got my learners permit, and I was soo exicted it seemed to be a really good day, until little misunderstandings got me feeling low. This happens to me a lot my emotions are always so wishy-washy, just like the weather.

Hearing my name in the morning.

I have decided I am going to start my blog today, as you can see. I have wanted to do so for a while now but was never really inspired to do so. With the end of my junior year so near, I don't want to forget these days.
Let me start with some sappy, I don't want to grow up--ness. I can feel my time in school slipping away and everyday I feel that I have to get more serious. I know that I can do it if I really try, which I have been lately, but its the whole idea that its all slipping away from under me stuff. When I think about my mom or my friends parents, or even looking at teachers and elderly people on the street Im beggining to realize even more that they were once my age. Yeah I know this is common sense but it is an idea that is becoming more real to me. It is always hard for me to explain myself but I'm trying so bare with me. I want to record the rest of my highschool life, just to look back at when I am 99 and I am looking at childern that our my age now. Assuming I live to 99, which is unlikely on my diet of everyyyything unhealthy.

I dont have much to say now, but I am going to try and make this blogging thing work, without being all overly sappy. I dont want to talk about boys and drama, more about life and happiness and the love that fills my heart by the simplest of things. I want to share my experiences trying to make the person I am inside, show on the outside. Which I feel I can be better at doing. Only people who know me closely can truely tell but I doubt any of them will really read this, if I even show it too them. I have lots to do, and I am a big procrastinator. So maybe if I get it all out regularly I will remember. (:
Merry Meet.